just my continual internal monologue!

A part of who I am, is a part of who you tried to make me

I fought you

I still fight you

Is that so hard to understand?

Many hurts

Not enough happiness

Filled with pain till it was too much

Than depleted like it is not enough

Where do I go from here?

Who do I trust?

You?

Me?

Life is a jigsaw puzzle

Always trying to fit the pieces together

Did we ever think

Maybe for one second

They aren’t supposed to fit?

Comments

Empty

Will I ever feel normal? Will I always be on the outside looking in? I never feel like I belong, and my gut continues to tell me all I say is wrong. Why couldn’t there have been just one? One that truly loved me so… Will this empty pit ever be gone? As I sit here alone, I know that is where I belong. I don’t understand any other way… What am I supposed to say? I feel the pressure sitting on my chest.. Why can’t I fit in like all the rest? I am hiding the tears because I have to be strong… I cannot be weak because than I truly do feel like a freak. I am trying not to feel sad, but it is so hard when all I feel is bad. Life will continue to move on, but I hope that I figure this out before I am long gone.

Thoughts...

Our lives may look different on the outside, but everyone has a story. I think we rush through life placing labels on others, because we are too into ourselves to actually find out why that person is overbearing, annoying, gossipy, mean etc. I know for the longest time, and still to this day, I am a hard person to get close to. Those walls that kept me safe for years, keep me from experiencing life sometimes. It is something I have to work on daily…will I ever be to the point of non-wariness in those situations? Probably not, but all I can do is try to be aware of it and try harder. I have been doing a lot of reading lately, and really trying to “weed” out a lot of the nonsense I (we) all put into our lives on a daily basis. If we truly look at our lives, how much of it is superficial and materialistic? I am as guilty as the next person in wanting “stuff”, and most of the time I don’t need. What are my thoughts and energies being put into? Stuff? Will any of that stuff ma...

His grace & mercy

Today was an amazing day. I love my God & King, & the blessings I have daily. Speaking today was an honor & a great remembrance for what would have been my moms 57th birthday. I feel humbled & amazed at what God has done in & through my life. His love & mercy is so amazing. I feel peace I have not felt before. I am His & He is mine. Jeremiah 29:11

His Design for my life

Search This Blog