His Design for my life

that feeling...when I sit back, reflect, and realize nothing I have done has really made a difference. Albeit, maybe a few realizations. But to the ones that mean the most, they don't even see me. They don't even care. As I continue to work on my follow up sequel of my first book, I see, once again, blood does not matter. Personal gain, and what "you can do for me" wins. I am sorry to all of you that have bought into that lie. . I have. Sadly believed, over and over, for one second, that I have people who care, and in another second, it gets ripped out from under me. I blame me. However, when does it become not about me? Can no one see the real me? I have fought for over 34 years +. Ya'll win. I tried so hard And got so far But in the end It doesn't even matter I had to fall To lose it all But in the end It doesn't even matter Linkin Park, In the End

Life is complicated. From the time we come out of the womb, till the day we die.  I have been so focused on the negative things in my life for the past year, that I have missed the blessings….That makes me sad, but, awareness is everything. I am struggling right now with knowing what God is calling me to do at this point in my life, and I feel broken even admitting that. I have believed in Him since childhood, however, I never knew the cost or the commitment it meant to be a follower of Jesus. I can focus on the fact that there are those that don’t know my heart, nor are willing to even try. All they can see is my sin. For that, I am sorry. I am sorry that I hurt you to the point of not being able to extend grace one more time. Once again, however, I can only control me. Others choices are that. Theirs. The loss of my parents & grandparents, fortunately or unfortunately, shaped me. Does that leave me without excuse? Absolutely not. But, it makes living in this wor