Skip to main content

Wow. A year ago to the date.


It is so weird. I have not blogged in forever. I have been writing, but it has been random and in a notebook I carry with me at all times. I was getting ready to check my email and hit my blog bookmark on accident…or was it?? I looked at the date, and was like wow. A whole year has passed. Have I changed at all? For the better? Or the worse?

Life is a journey of tears, joy, pain, humility and sprinkled with every other emotion. This has been one the most challenging years of my life. So many different changes. Life looks nothing like it did a year ago. There are things I have handled well, and others that I have botched up horribly. The thing is…I truly believe that nothing we go through is for naught. Does it make it right? No, but I really don’t want to be a victim anymore.

How far and how long will we fight the reality of which we are scars and all? It does not have to be a bad thing. If we embrace what has made us, even when it hurts, how much more empowered would we feel? Everyday is a new day to change and learn, don’t let your past (and those in it) dictate your future and future generations.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. How many times in our lives have we done this? Yet, we still don’t get it. Happiness and joy are not guarantees in life. We all have choices. With choices come consequences, whether those consequences are good or bad. We are so determined to believe that someone owes us…I am so guilty of this for so many years. We cannot depend on anyone to make us happy except one. God. He is the only constant, and will always be the only constant. Does believing in God promise me no suffering and constant joy? No. Nowhere in the bible does He promise that.

Consequences of our choices will always remain. The difference is what do you do with the fall out? Become negative? Cynical? What will it gain? It is not hurting anyone but us. Only YOU can decide when enough is enough. If you want a different outcome, you must make different choices.

I battle with all of this daily. No one has immunity. What would our lives look like if we focused on our blessings, and not on the horrible junk of our past and those things we have absolutely no control over?

I don’t have all the answers…I am forging this unbeaten path too. I do know that if I give up, all those that have hurt me win. We have to value ourselves. If we feel worthless that is what we will attract and focus on. If you allow yourself to hear truth about who you really are, small steps will lead you into the light.  

Gotta keep your head up-
april

www.iwillnotbesilentbook.com

Comments

  1. *HoLLy*August 17, 2012 at 8:48 PM

    I love you, April, and miss you so much. Thanks for blogging again. It's scary how much our thoughts resemble each other's. Planning to see you soon. Love and hugs!!! So blessed God has brought you into my life, even if it happens in intervals. :)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Life as I knew it....

Lost. Confused. Hurt. So many emotions that have consumed most of my life, and have become again intensely prevalent in the last year. When I re-read my journals, writings, posts….I see a trend. I see the problems, but nothing changes. I can’t say I have not grown, matured, and learned the patterns, but there are still the same themes. Love. It is elusive, self-serving, and ambiguous to me. I don’t know if that will ever change, and it scares me. It may sound trivial to many, but when it is not afforded to you as a young child, it does affect your ability to grasp the complexity of it, and create healthy relationships. 2016, like 1983, changed the course of my life. 2016 was a year of a 20 year marriage ending. 2016 was a year of losing the last of familial relationships, I thought I might have. 2016 was a year of my 4 beautiful children experiencing excruciating pain and the broken illusion of a happy family. I would be lying if I said I have not felt like I was the worse failure...
4 comments
Read more

Today. Yesterday. Future.

Today. Yesterday. Future. I have felt the pain. I have seen the destruction. I have witnessed the demoralization. I have watched them flee. The pain of no one there. The debilitating thought of trusting. Yet, I have learned. There is  One who holds my past, present and future. However, I hold it close to my vest, like I think I can control it. Fear is  crippling. I did not do enough. Was I ever enough? So many questions. God. My only true supporter. He wants me. Even when the others do not. Why do I run from Him? This is who I am. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Why can’t anyone see that? I want to quit fighting. I want to give up. Yet, my Father in Heaven keeps pulling me back. Why? Each day is anew. I know this. However, each day I breathe, is one more breath I know soon I will not take. Fear of death used to cripple me. Now...I have learned… No matter what I do, say or become… I have bee...
Post a Comment
Read more

Some things are better left buried

I know I have moments of my childhood that are complete blanks. I believe in some cases that is my own way of self preservation against memories I cannot handle. I try not to delve too deeply, b/c I am honestly afraid of what I might find. I ask myself "will it change anything?", no in most cases it won't, so why open myself up to more pain? Everybody learns to cope differently...I get that, but for me the memories I have are more than enough to make me nuts! Life right now feels like an out of control tornado. These times come around when my life has major decisions on the horizon. So much going on right now in my life, that I feel myself getting sucked in that hole. Questioning everything that I know to be true...why do I do this? Much of it is my personality, but mostly it is my lack of control that makes me crazy. I can't control someone else's pain or struggles...I can offer what has worked for me. Some one in my life is in the process of opening Pandora'...
Post a Comment
Read more