Today. Yesterday. Future.

I have felt the pain.

I have seen the destruction.

I have witnessed the demoralization.

I have watched them flee.

The pain of no one there.

The debilitating thought of trusting.

Yet, I have learned.

There is One who holds my past, present and future.

However, I hold it close to my vest, like I think I can control it.

Fear is crippling.

I did not do enough.

Was I ever enough?

So many questions.

God.

My only true supporter.

He wants me.

Even when the others do not.

Why do I run from Him?

This is who I am.

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Why can’t anyone see that?

I want to quit fighting.

I want to give up.

Yet, my Father in Heaven keeps pulling me back.

Why?

Each day is anew.

I know this.

However, each day I breathe, is one more breath

I know soon I will not take.

Fear of death used to cripple me.

Now...I have learned…

No matter what I do, say or become…

I have been judged.

The pain will subside….maybe. I am only human. But...

My destiny only depends on the One that controls it.

And I pray I will be in the kingdom of no

more tears or pain.

Till then….head down, pray, and hope.

Love, Hope and Blessings…

In Him Alone-

April

Comments

Hard life lessons learned

“God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons we could not learn in any other way. The way we learn those lessons is not to deny the feelings but to find the meanings underlying them.” Stanley Lindquist Life will always be filled with hurt and betrayal, and that my friend is a continued life lesson for me. I guess it is the hope in some of us that it would end, but unfortunately it doesn’t. I feel like I have been consumed with this hurt from a betrayal a few months ago…I am still trying to let go. It is just so hard sometimes. It hurts so bad, that I literally can feel my heart breaking. Why am I giving these people my head space!!!?? They don’t deserve it. Old habits… so hard to die! I feel sometimes that I have taken 2 steps back because old thought patterns have resurfaced there ugly head. I pray that God gives me the strength I need to let go and move on. I share my st...

Never let go

Behind each human face is a hidden world that no one can see.  We cannot continue to seek outside ourselves for the things we need from within. The demons will haunt us if we remain afraid. Silence is one of the great victims of modern culture.   -John O'Donohue This quote hit home this morning when I read it. I spent years looking outside of myself to find something or someone to fill those empty spaces that gnawed at me daily. I made life-changing decisions based on just wanting acceptance and love. I continued to chase after something that I would never find outside of myself. Your parents may be the ones that birthed you, but they do NOT define who you become unless you let them. We remain in our hell of silence more so than not b/c the pain & shame are just too great. No one understands, right? We turn everything inward, and it eats away at any bit of happiness & fulfillment we could possibly get out of life. Why? We are taught that asking for help makes you weak...

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." ~Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.~ Rev. King is one of my inspirations to be a better person. To overcome adversity with grace, but with the fire to not back down when the going gets tough. I know it is so easy to say we stand for certain causes etc, but when it really comes down to it, do you really ? If I say that nothing will stop me from protecting another child or person in need. I stand behind it 110%. I had to be completely honest with myself & make sure my motives were realistic...because how can I write a book and proclaim that is what I stand behind, and than turn a blind eye to what is right in front of me? I used to wonder what I would really do if I was called on the carpet. The situation presented itself a few months ago. I felt God’s voice in my head asking, “what are you going to do?” I was leaving a...

His Design for my life

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