Skip to main content

Wow. A year ago to the date.


It is so weird. I have not blogged in forever. I have been writing, but it has been random and in a notebook I carry with me at all times. I was getting ready to check my email and hit my blog bookmark on accident…or was it?? I looked at the date, and was like wow. A whole year has passed. Have I changed at all? For the better? Or the worse?

Life is a journey of tears, joy, pain, humility and sprinkled with every other emotion. This has been one the most challenging years of my life. So many different changes. Life looks nothing like it did a year ago. There are things I have handled well, and others that I have botched up horribly. The thing is…I truly believe that nothing we go through is for naught. Does it make it right? No, but I really don’t want to be a victim anymore.

How far and how long will we fight the reality of which we are scars and all? It does not have to be a bad thing. If we embrace what has made us, even when it hurts, how much more empowered would we feel? Everyday is a new day to change and learn, don’t let your past (and those in it) dictate your future and future generations.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. How many times in our lives have we done this? Yet, we still don’t get it. Happiness and joy are not guarantees in life. We all have choices. With choices come consequences, whether those consequences are good or bad. We are so determined to believe that someone owes us…I am so guilty of this for so many years. We cannot depend on anyone to make us happy except one. God. He is the only constant, and will always be the only constant. Does believing in God promise me no suffering and constant joy? No. Nowhere in the bible does He promise that.

Consequences of our choices will always remain. The difference is what do you do with the fall out? Become negative? Cynical? What will it gain? It is not hurting anyone but us. Only YOU can decide when enough is enough. If you want a different outcome, you must make different choices.

I battle with all of this daily. No one has immunity. What would our lives look like if we focused on our blessings, and not on the horrible junk of our past and those things we have absolutely no control over?

I don’t have all the answers…I am forging this unbeaten path too. I do know that if I give up, all those that have hurt me win. We have to value ourselves. If we feel worthless that is what we will attract and focus on. If you allow yourself to hear truth about who you really are, small steps will lead you into the light.  

Gotta keep your head up-
april

www.iwillnotbesilentbook.com

Comments

  1. *HoLLy*August 17, 2012 at 8:48 PM

    I love you, April, and miss you so much. Thanks for blogging again. It's scary how much our thoughts resemble each other's. Planning to see you soon. Love and hugs!!! So blessed God has brought you into my life, even if it happens in intervals. :)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A time for everything

A Time for Everything-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NIV)   1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: As we walk through this life what are we looking for? Acceptance? Completion? Other human beings will always fail us, always hurt us, and always let us down, but there is One who won’t.   2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, We always are congratulating, excited, and in awe when someone gives birth…as the child grows older most lose their fascination with that child and what is cute. Why is that? Those children become jaded because of us. A child has an insurmountable amount of faith when they are young…we end up squeezing it out of them as a society. A time to die. It is so hard to deal with death of a loved one, whether family or friends, it is so hard to say goodbye. As days go on I stop, much more than I ever use to, and look around me. Amazed at what God has created, and saddened by the signs that sat...
Post a Comment
Read more

Life as I knew it....

Lost. Confused. Hurt. So many emotions that have consumed most of my life, and have become again intensely prevalent in the last year. When I re-read my journals, writings, posts….I see a trend. I see the problems, but nothing changes. I can’t say I have not grown, matured, and learned the patterns, but there are still the same themes. Love. It is elusive, self-serving, and ambiguous to me. I don’t know if that will ever change, and it scares me. It may sound trivial to many, but when it is not afforded to you as a young child, it does affect your ability to grasp the complexity of it, and create healthy relationships. 2016, like 1983, changed the course of my life. 2016 was a year of a 20 year marriage ending. 2016 was a year of losing the last of familial relationships, I thought I might have. 2016 was a year of my 4 beautiful children experiencing excruciating pain and the broken illusion of a happy family. I would be lying if I said I have not felt like I was the worse failure...
4 comments
Read more

Moving on...

“ You have to know the past to understand the present.”- Dr. Carl Sagan What am I so afraid of? That emptiness that eats at me…gnaws at my very core everyday…what will make it go away? I still have those moments when I feel like my heart has been ripped out, stomped on, and put through the blender. It takes so much effort sometimes to compartmentalize all the different feelings & emotions that my mind just decides to shut down, and go numb. My faith is the only thing that keeps dragging me back out of the pit. I overanalyze everything. I try not to, but it is a character defect that I have to continue to work on. I had so little control over my past that I hate to release any form of control now, even though I know realistically, I have no say in certain things anyway! I want so badly to make a difference…to know my purpose, but I feel like it constantly evades me. Like a hamster on a wheel. I get so frustrated when I try so hard to be honest & true to all of my shortcomin...
1 comment
Read more