Speak out!

Below is a post I commented on based on an article I read on domestic violence. My comments are in the black.

Domestic violence is one of the most common crimes in America, and like sex offenses, one of the most under-reported crimes, advocates say. Victims often suffer in silence because of fear, shame and secrecy. "Gangs and domestic violence are the two most violent issues. Child sex (cases) is the other, and drugs are right in the middle of it."

When I read this I was blown away. ONE of the most under-reported crimes, but one of the most common! I just don’t understand the mentality behind this. My mother was killed 27 years ago, and I am being frank, not much has changed! Our war on drugs runs second to domestic violence…tell me I am not the only one that sees that as a major issue?! Drug dealers get more time than most DV offenders or even sex offenders for that matter. Why is that?

"Verbal and emotional abuse is oftentimes the hardest to break free from," she said. "Bruises to bodies heal, but it's the bruises to our hearts and souls that are harder to overcome."

I have said from the beginning the scars that will never completely heal are the ones no one can see from the outside. Words are weapons. The abuser is driven by power, control, and they are masters of manipulation. You begin to feel you are the problem. You are crazy. You spend your days in survival mode. Hoping you make it through the day alive.

What makes a victim finally leave an abuser is as different as the people involved. 

Every person is different. When it comes to escaping a volatile relationship it takes a well thought out plan. The abuser has the victim under their thumb. They control the financial aspect of the home, friends of the victims, and make the victim believe that they will hurt the kids or keep them from the other in a power play to guilt the victim into staying. My father did this more times than I can count. They always say, “I didn’t mean to do it”, or “you made me angry”, shifting the blame to the victim. And the sad thing is, it works! The victims become so beaten down that they have no clue anymore. They are cut off from reality as you & I may see it... 

No-contact orders.” Some victims in the past may not have wanted to testify, he said, because "they figure the guy's going to be out of jail in a matter of months. But by stiffening the sentence of serial offenders it gives them confidence." 

No-contact orders & restraining orders are another option. I truly do not have much faith in either one. (My personal opinion) This does not stop the perpetrator. They look at the victim & kids as their property. No piece of paper is going to stop them. They will find a way. It is proven time and again, and has been proven in the days since my mother passed in 1983. 

We need government to make regulations & standards the same across the board in every state. I will never understand the reasoning on allowing each state to decide this, as they are able to do with child abuse and neglect as well. The crime is the crime. Period!...

"Victims can't stop it no matter what they do," she said. "Fifty percent of perpetrators come from abusive homes but 50 percent don't. That other 50 percent are learning it somewhere. ... We can help all the victims in the world, but if we keep raising perpetrators it will never stop."

Lastly, I agree with this statement. Victims can’t stop it, but they can break away from it. Careful planning, and help…please don’t suffer in silence. This is a life or death situation. Please if you know this is going on or suspect it is please do your due diligence to report and/or help! You have to realize that person or persons could have been you. This sentence says it all- We can help all the victims in the world, but if we keep raising perpetrators it will never stop.”  (courtesy of http://www.thenewstribune.com/2010)

Stop this madness…SPEAK up!

-april