Skip to main content

I WILL not apologize for being who I am. Nor will I be silent


Benjamin Koller agreed to speak with investigators and told them that he had dropped the baby several times and that the baby’s head once struck the corner of a wooden changing table, according to court reports. He also said he would hold his hands over his mouth to make the baby stop crying and that the infant had become unresponsive on occasion. Additionally, he noted jerking the baby around, once causing the baby’s head to butt into Benjamin Koller’s chin. He also described shaking the baby and biting him to rouse him after he became unresponsive.
After the baby was hospitalized, he was diagnosed with severe brain damage. The 4-month-old died on Oct. 5, 2009. The Boulder County coroner ruled that Jack Koller died of the delayed effects of blunt force trauma to the head and ruled the death a homicide.

This story is not a new one. I open the Internet every morning, and I am greeted with headlines just like this. Sometimes much, much worse, but the end result is the same. These children not only die at the hands of their parents, but they are tortured the whole way. I don’t understand, nor do I think I ever will. If this situation was going on, you CANNOT tell me once again that nobody suspected anything. I am so angry that I can post story, after story on this, and NOTHING is changing. It is not prejudice to race, economic status, educated or not, it is everywhere.

Just like the one I posted the other day about the pediatrician being indicted for the death of their ADOPTED daughter. Why did they adopt at all? NO sense whatsoever. How in heck do these people slip through the cracks?? My mind just cannot wrap itself around it.

I know the fear and hopelessness I felt as a child, and I don’t think I can even fathom a fraction of what some of these poor children have gone through. As the abuser pleads insanity and gets to live in a cell, while we pay for it. Don’t get me wrong, it is not my place to judge, but we talk about their rights, WHAT about that child’s rights? Who by the way is DEAD. Their rights and voice weren’t heard.  So where is their justice? I don’t get it.

In the memo, Brackley asks the judge to discount an independent psychiatric evaluation of Koller that the defendant “seemed totally unaware that his behavior could (cause) damage to Jack’s infant brain.” The prosecutors point out interviews with police and jail conversations in which he acknowledged that he understood his behavior could hurt the child.

He was totally unaware that his behavior was causing damage to Jack’s brain? If you believe that bunch of bull, than I am Liberace. I don’t give a rat’s behind if he “seemed” anything. He tortured that baby to the point of death. May God have mercy on his soul, if he has one.
To all those children that are dying everyday, I WILL not let the world forget you. I WILL Not allow your death to be in vain. I will push it, shove it, in front of whomever I can till this madness stops! I won’t apologize for doing what I do.
No more talk people. ACTION is the only thing I want to see & hear.

Koller is scheduled for sentencing at 1:30 p.m. in Boulder District Court.http://www.TimesCall.com/news_story.asp?ID=22777

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Life as I knew it....

Lost. Confused. Hurt. So many emotions that have consumed most of my life, and have become again intensely prevalent in the last year. When I re-read my journals, writings, posts….I see a trend. I see the problems, but nothing changes. I can’t say I have not grown, matured, and learned the patterns, but there are still the same themes. Love. It is elusive, self-serving, and ambiguous to me. I don’t know if that will ever change, and it scares me. It may sound trivial to many, but when it is not afforded to you as a young child, it does affect your ability to grasp the complexity of it, and create healthy relationships. 2016, like 1983, changed the course of my life. 2016 was a year of a 20 year marriage ending. 2016 was a year of losing the last of familial relationships, I thought I might have. 2016 was a year of my 4 beautiful children experiencing excruciating pain and the broken illusion of a happy family. I would be lying if I said I have not felt like I was the worse failure...

Wow. A year ago to the date.

It is so weird. I have not blogged in forever. I have been writing, but it has been random and in a notebook I carry with me at all times. I was getting ready to check my email and hit my blog bookmark on accident…or was it?? I looked at the date, and was like wow. A whole year has passed. Have I changed at all? For the better? Or the worse? Life is a journey of tears, joy, pain, humility and sprinkled with every other emotion. This has been one the most challenging years of my life. So many different changes. Life looks nothing like it did a year ago. There are things I have handled well, and others that I have botched up horribly. The thing is…I truly believe that nothing we go through is for naught. Does it make it right? No, but I really don’t want to be a victim anymore. How far and how long will we fight the reality of which we are scars and all? It does not have to be a bad thing. If we embrace what has made us, even when it hurts, how much more empowere...

Time to Reflect

This weekend was a roller coaster ride. I found myself caught in a place I thought was long gone. All through grade school and high school I use to watch young girls with their moms, and that ache I felt when my mom died became a huge hole. I was so jealous that they were able to have those moments with their mom, shopping, talking, just being there for them. I yearned for it, but it just wasn't to be. Thus, the feeling of me on the outside looking in. I never felt like I "belonged" to anyone...I always felt "pushed" onto people...not a good feeling. When I would hear my friends bad mouth their parents, I would tell them to "be glad you have them". It was put in front of me this weekend. I didn't see it coming, and it hit me like a blow to the head. I began to feel inferior. I began to play the tapes of "I am not good enough", look at all the mistakes I have made, I don't deserve all the things i have been blessed with after all the t...