Skip to main content

What will you do?


“Because living with a narcissist can be extremely painful, it is important to understand
You are not to blame
Narcissists ensnare everyone
Learning how to leave is important
Rebuilding a life takes courage but you can do it”-narcissisticabuse.com

Do you really want to hear what I have to say? Some do, some don’t. I believe narcissists are not just the abusers, but also the people that push or those we allow into our lives. Friends, family, co-workers etc.

Learning to draw the line on what I am responsible for & what I am not can sometimes become blurred. Why you say? Well the narcissists that are or have been in our lives are very good at quilting & shaming us. The key is: only if WE allow it.

Anyone that has had the ability to escape the person or people that are responsible for this unfortunately will continue to carry the scars for a lifetime. But the key once again: though the scars are there, they don’t have to consume you or define you!

There are so many times I find myself sinking into despair when things start to stockpile on my shoulders. Yes, I still have those days. Just because I made the decision that my life would be different, it did not mean perfect. I, unfortunately, wear my heart on my sleeve, and have learned to be okay with that.

I am who I am. Why try to live up to what anyone thinks I should be besides God Himself? Why some victims don’t make it out…I may not understand, but I need to realize this giant jigsaw puzzle called life, will be missing certain pieces until I meet my creator. Most don’t want to hear that. I know what most say, “if He was a loving God why does He allow this to happen?” I fought with this dilemma for YEARS. The only explanation I have come to (my own belief) is free will. They don’t call it blind faith for nothing! I think we wouldn’t even realize a miracle sometimes if it bit us in the behind, b/c we are too busy focusing on the “why me?”

Do I believe one person can make a difference? There are bad days I don’t, but the other days I know one person can plant seeds that they may never see harvested, but the seeds are planted nonetheless! I don’t want praise or accolades when someone thinks of me, and how I have rebuilt & continue to rebuild my life. I want the focus to be on those who are still in hiding for their lives and in pain.  And for those who have already paid with their lives to that narcissistic person who decided to play God.

Lastly, secrets, shame & guilt lose their power once they are out in the open. They no longer bind you, and that will change your life. Trust me, I know. It is so hard to expose yourself b/c of what others will think…I get that, but how can you give another hope if your still hidden in your secrets? Turn that pain into triumph!

ajm

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Hard life lessons learned

“God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons we could not learn in any other way. The way we learn those lessons is not to deny the feelings but to find the meanings underlying them.”   Stanley Lindquist            Life will always be filled with hurt and betrayal, and that my friend is a continued life lesson for me. I guess it is the hope in some of us that it would end, but unfortunately it doesn’t. I feel like I have been consumed with this hurt from a betrayal a few months ago…I am still trying to let go. It is just so hard sometimes. It hurts so bad, that I literally can feel my heart breaking. Why am I giving these people my head space!!!?? They don’t deserve it. Old habits… so hard to die! I feel sometimes that I have taken 2 steps back because old thought patterns have resurfaced there ugly head. I pray that God gives me the strength I need to let go and move on. I share my st...

Never let go

Behind each human face is a hidden world that no one can see. 
We cannot continue to seek outside ourselves for the things we need from within. The demons will haunt us if we remain afraid. Silence is one of the great victims of modern culture. 
 -John O'Donohue This quote hit home this morning when I read it. I spent years looking outside of myself to find something or someone to fill those empty spaces that gnawed at me daily. I made life-changing decisions based on just wanting acceptance and love. I continued to chase after something that I would never find outside of myself. Your parents may be the ones that birthed you, but they do NOT define who you become unless you let them. We remain in our hell of silence more so than not b/c the pain & shame are just too great. No one understands, right? We turn everything inward, and it eats away at any bit of happiness & fulfillment we could possibly get out of life. Why? We are taught that asking for help makes you weak...
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." ~Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.~ Rev. King is one of my inspirations to be a better person. To overcome adversity with grace, but with the fire to not back down when the going gets tough. I know it is so easy to say we stand for certain causes etc, but when it really comes down to it, do you really ? If I say that nothing will stop me from protecting another child or person in need. I stand behind it 110%. I had to be completely honest with myself & make sure my motives were realistic...because how can I write a book and proclaim that is what I stand behind, and than turn a blind eye to what is right in front of me? I used to wonder what I would really do if I was called on the carpet. The situation presented itself a few months ago. I felt God’s voice in my head asking, “what are you going to do?” I was leaving a...