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What will you do?


“Because living with a narcissist can be extremely painful, it is important to understand
You are not to blame
Narcissists ensnare everyone
Learning how to leave is important
Rebuilding a life takes courage but you can do it”-narcissisticabuse.com

Do you really want to hear what I have to say? Some do, some don’t. I believe narcissists are not just the abusers, but also the people that push or those we allow into our lives. Friends, family, co-workers etc.

Learning to draw the line on what I am responsible for & what I am not can sometimes become blurred. Why you say? Well the narcissists that are or have been in our lives are very good at quilting & shaming us. The key is: only if WE allow it.

Anyone that has had the ability to escape the person or people that are responsible for this unfortunately will continue to carry the scars for a lifetime. But the key once again: though the scars are there, they don’t have to consume you or define you!

There are so many times I find myself sinking into despair when things start to stockpile on my shoulders. Yes, I still have those days. Just because I made the decision that my life would be different, it did not mean perfect. I, unfortunately, wear my heart on my sleeve, and have learned to be okay with that.

I am who I am. Why try to live up to what anyone thinks I should be besides God Himself? Why some victims don’t make it out…I may not understand, but I need to realize this giant jigsaw puzzle called life, will be missing certain pieces until I meet my creator. Most don’t want to hear that. I know what most say, “if He was a loving God why does He allow this to happen?” I fought with this dilemma for YEARS. The only explanation I have come to (my own belief) is free will. They don’t call it blind faith for nothing! I think we wouldn’t even realize a miracle sometimes if it bit us in the behind, b/c we are too busy focusing on the “why me?”

Do I believe one person can make a difference? There are bad days I don’t, but the other days I know one person can plant seeds that they may never see harvested, but the seeds are planted nonetheless! I don’t want praise or accolades when someone thinks of me, and how I have rebuilt & continue to rebuild my life. I want the focus to be on those who are still in hiding for their lives and in pain.  And for those who have already paid with their lives to that narcissistic person who decided to play God.

Lastly, secrets, shame & guilt lose their power once they are out in the open. They no longer bind you, and that will change your life. Trust me, I know. It is so hard to expose yourself b/c of what others will think…I get that, but how can you give another hope if your still hidden in your secrets? Turn that pain into triumph!

ajm
I Will Not Be Silent

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