Skip to main content

What will you do?


“Because living with a narcissist can be extremely painful, it is important to understand
You are not to blame
Narcissists ensnare everyone
Learning how to leave is important
Rebuilding a life takes courage but you can do it”-narcissisticabuse.com

Do you really want to hear what I have to say? Some do, some don’t. I believe narcissists are not just the abusers, but also the people that push or those we allow into our lives. Friends, family, co-workers etc.

Learning to draw the line on what I am responsible for & what I am not can sometimes become blurred. Why you say? Well the narcissists that are or have been in our lives are very good at quilting & shaming us. The key is: only if WE allow it.

Anyone that has had the ability to escape the person or people that are responsible for this unfortunately will continue to carry the scars for a lifetime. But the key once again: though the scars are there, they don’t have to consume you or define you!

There are so many times I find myself sinking into despair when things start to stockpile on my shoulders. Yes, I still have those days. Just because I made the decision that my life would be different, it did not mean perfect. I, unfortunately, wear my heart on my sleeve, and have learned to be okay with that.

I am who I am. Why try to live up to what anyone thinks I should be besides God Himself? Why some victims don’t make it out…I may not understand, but I need to realize this giant jigsaw puzzle called life, will be missing certain pieces until I meet my creator. Most don’t want to hear that. I know what most say, “if He was a loving God why does He allow this to happen?” I fought with this dilemma for YEARS. The only explanation I have come to (my own belief) is free will. They don’t call it blind faith for nothing! I think we wouldn’t even realize a miracle sometimes if it bit us in the behind, b/c we are too busy focusing on the “why me?”

Do I believe one person can make a difference? There are bad days I don’t, but the other days I know one person can plant seeds that they may never see harvested, but the seeds are planted nonetheless! I don’t want praise or accolades when someone thinks of me, and how I have rebuilt & continue to rebuild my life. I want the focus to be on those who are still in hiding for their lives and in pain.  And for those who have already paid with their lives to that narcissistic person who decided to play God.

Lastly, secrets, shame & guilt lose their power once they are out in the open. They no longer bind you, and that will change your life. Trust me, I know. It is so hard to expose yourself b/c of what others will think…I get that, but how can you give another hope if your still hidden in your secrets? Turn that pain into triumph!

ajm
I Will Not Be Silent

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Life as I knew it....

Lost. Confused. Hurt. So many emotions that have consumed most of my life, and have become again intensely prevalent in the last year. When I re-read my journals, writings, posts….I see a trend. I see the problems, but nothing changes. I can’t say I have not grown, matured, and learned the patterns, but there are still the same themes. Love. It is elusive, self-serving, and ambiguous to me. I don’t know if that will ever change, and it scares me. It may sound trivial to many, but when it is not afforded to you as a young child, it does affect your ability to grasp the complexity of it, and create healthy relationships. 2016, like 1983, changed the course of my life. 2016 was a year of a 20 year marriage ending. 2016 was a year of losing the last of familial relationships, I thought I might have. 2016 was a year of my 4 beautiful children experiencing excruciating pain and the broken illusion of a happy family. I would be lying if I said I have not felt like I was the worse failure...
4 comments
Read more

Today. Yesterday. Future.

Today. Yesterday. Future. I have felt the pain. I have seen the destruction. I have witnessed the demoralization. I have watched them flee. The pain of no one there. The debilitating thought of trusting. Yet, I have learned. There is  One who holds my past, present and future. However, I hold it close to my vest, like I think I can control it. Fear is  crippling. I did not do enough. Was I ever enough? So many questions. God. My only true supporter. He wants me. Even when the others do not. Why do I run from Him? This is who I am. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Why can’t anyone see that? I want to quit fighting. I want to give up. Yet, my Father in Heaven keeps pulling me back. Why? Each day is anew. I know this. However, each day I breathe, is one more breath I know soon I will not take. Fear of death used to cripple me. Now...I have learned… No matter what I do, say or become… I have bee...
Post a Comment
Read more

Some things are better left buried

I know I have moments of my childhood that are complete blanks. I believe in some cases that is my own way of self preservation against memories I cannot handle. I try not to delve too deeply, b/c I am honestly afraid of what I might find. I ask myself "will it change anything?", no in most cases it won't, so why open myself up to more pain? Everybody learns to cope differently...I get that, but for me the memories I have are more than enough to make me nuts! Life right now feels like an out of control tornado. These times come around when my life has major decisions on the horizon. So much going on right now in my life, that I feel myself getting sucked in that hole. Questioning everything that I know to be true...why do I do this? Much of it is my personality, but mostly it is my lack of control that makes me crazy. I can't control someone else's pain or struggles...I can offer what has worked for me. Some one in my life is in the process of opening Pandora'...
Post a Comment
Read more