Skip to main content

Empty

Will I ever feel normal?

Will I always be on the outside looking in?

I never feel like I belong, and my gut continues to tell me all I say is wrong.

Why couldn’t there have been just one?

One that truly loved me so…

Will this empty pit ever be gone?

As I sit here alone, I know that is where I belong.

I don’t understand any other way…

What am I supposed to say?

I feel the pressure sitting on my chest..

Why can’t I fit in like all the rest?

I am hiding the tears because I have to be strong…

I cannot be weak because than I truly do feel like a freak.

I am trying not to feel sad, but it is so hard when all I feel is bad.

Life will continue to move on, but I hope that I figure this out before I am long gone.

Comments

  1. Lorrie Lynn DuFourMay 21, 2010 at 8:49 PM

    sweet e-friend... you speak my heart... and undoubtedly thousands of others. keep delving... keep reaching... keep encouraging... and know your efforts are NEVER in vain. THANK YOU for your courage, your grace, your risking of EVERYTHING.

    ReplyDelete
  2. unicorn_loveMay 21, 2010 at 11:19 PM

    u speak what i feel almost every day of my life, its good to be reminded that im not alone in being the only survivor there are so many days where i feel as though no one knows or understands what im going through then i see like this and i am reminded that im not alone and i will get through this i just gotta take it one day at a time. i have a blog to under unicorn_love if anyones intrested

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The pain never really goes away….I know I need to start writing again, but I tend to get caught up in just trying to live. If we can call it that. I buried my mother over 40 years ago…there is a hole inside of me that nothing has been able to fill. I didn’t just bury her, but part of me that day. She was so young. It is so depressing to me how we as a society just live so flippantly like tomorrow is promised. Do I feel cheated? 100%. Have I been the best mother? Probably not, but I can say with everything I still have left in me…I tried.  As a person, life happens. Stuff happens. It shapes us, and we look back years later, and say what the heck was I thinking?? But, at that moment we only see what's in front of our face…not tomorrow. Once they are gone. It is done. There is no do over. What was her favorite food? What made her happy? Those questions will never be answered.  Holding on to stuff that has happened is like a toxic poison. It is not hurting the ones gone or that di...
Post a Comment
Read more

Never let go

Behind each human face is a hidden world that no one can see. 
We cannot continue to seek outside ourselves for the things we need from within. The demons will haunt us if we remain afraid. Silence is one of the great victims of modern culture. 
 -John O'Donohue This quote hit home this morning when I read it. I spent years looking outside of myself to find something or someone to fill those empty spaces that gnawed at me daily. I made life-changing decisions based on just wanting acceptance and love. I continued to chase after something that I would never find outside of myself. Your parents may be the ones that birthed you, but they do NOT define who you become unless you let them. We remain in our hell of silence more so than not b/c the pain & shame are just too great. No one understands, right? We turn everything inward, and it eats away at any bit of happiness & fulfillment we could possibly get out of life. Why? We are taught that asking for help makes you weak...
2 comments
Read more