Skip to main content

Empty

Will I ever feel normal?

Will I always be on the outside looking in?

I never feel like I belong, and my gut continues to tell me all I say is wrong.

Why couldn’t there have been just one?

One that truly loved me so…

Will this empty pit ever be gone?

As I sit here alone, I know that is where I belong.

I don’t understand any other way…

What am I supposed to say?

I feel the pressure sitting on my chest..

Why can’t I fit in like all the rest?

I am hiding the tears because I have to be strong…

I cannot be weak because than I truly do feel like a freak.

I am trying not to feel sad, but it is so hard when all I feel is bad.

Life will continue to move on, but I hope that I figure this out before I am long gone.

Comments

  1. sweet e-friend... you speak my heart... and undoubtedly thousands of others. keep delving... keep reaching... keep encouraging... and know your efforts are NEVER in vain. THANK YOU for your courage, your grace, your risking of EVERYTHING.

    ReplyDelete
  2. u speak what i feel almost every day of my life, its good to be reminded that im not alone in being the only survivor there are so many days where i feel as though no one knows or understands what im going through then i see like this and i am reminded that im not alone and i will get through this i just gotta take it one day at a time. i have a blog to under unicorn_love if anyones intrested

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Life as I knew it....

Lost. Confused. Hurt. So many emotions that have consumed most of my life, and have become again intensely prevalent in the last year. When I re-read my journals, writings, posts….I see a trend. I see the problems, but nothing changes. I can’t say I have not grown, matured, and learned the patterns, but there are still the same themes. Love. It is elusive, self-serving, and ambiguous to me. I don’t know if that will ever change, and it scares me. It may sound trivial to many, but when it is not afforded to you as a young child, it does affect your ability to grasp the complexity of it, and create healthy relationships. 2016, like 1983, changed the course of my life. 2016 was a year of a 20 year marriage ending. 2016 was a year of losing the last of familial relationships, I thought I might have. 2016 was a year of my 4 beautiful children experiencing excruciating pain and the broken illusion of a happy family. I would be lying if I said I have not felt like I was the worse failure...

Today. Yesterday. Future.

Today. Yesterday. Future. I have felt the pain. I have seen the destruction. I have witnessed the demoralization. I have watched them flee. The pain of no one there. The debilitating thought of trusting. Yet, I have learned. There is  One who holds my past, present and future. However, I hold it close to my vest, like I think I can control it. Fear is  crippling. I did not do enough. Was I ever enough? So many questions. God. My only true supporter. He wants me. Even when the others do not. Why do I run from Him? This is who I am. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Why can’t anyone see that? I want to quit fighting. I want to give up. Yet, my Father in Heaven keeps pulling me back. Why? Each day is anew. I know this. However, each day I breathe, is one more breath I know soon I will not take. Fear of death used to cripple me. Now...I have learned… No matter what I do, say or become… I have bee...
What impact am I making? #Alice&George Seeing the pain and loss of someone you have loved for over 6 decades...The fear of what to do next, the pain of how do you move through the next day...I have seen the pain of loss, but the pain I saw tonight….surpasses my understanding. I think we have an amazing God. He did amazing things for me through an amazing couple. My heart mourns for the loss of this beloved mother, grandmother, wife, sister, friend….I will never forget the many nights you would look at me, and tell me I was a child of God. I was loved….I barely knew you. The impact this entire family had on me will always be in my heart. God placed them in my life at the exact time I needed them...Alice, you are beyond loved and will be sorely missed. Thank you for sharing your life and family with me. You have left an amazing impact on those around you that will not be soon forgotten… I hope someday those around me look at me, like your kids look at you...I love you, a...