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Musing...I guess.

When life hits you right in the gut...how do you respond? I have become so angry, disappointed, hurt, that I literally have no relationships now. I literally wake up to work, and work to live nowadays. That is not a life. It's just too much. I tend to push people away...or I think I do. However, every time I look in the mirror, I don't know who is staring back at me. How did I let myself get here. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.

 All the good things I did and overcame, have come back to run over me again just in different forms and variations. And the kicker...I allowed it. Hurt people, hurt people. Makes me want to sit in a corner and sob quite frankly. 

I have always been a pleaser because of my upbringing...now, I still do the same, but now it just makes me very angry. Again, I am allowing it, but it is so innate in me. It is very lonely. The fact that I am writing again is good, but I also know that my health is not the best. I guess get it out because once you are gone, that moment is gone as well. I don't want sorry or sympathy. It is life. I have accepted my fate. I want to have quality of life. 

It is almost comical with all the social media...check on your friends. Really? Aren't we all so caught up in our own, that we can't see past our nose? Keeping up with the Jones'. The important stuff, right? 

At the end of the day...He is faithful and true. I hold on to that with everything I have. Without it, I have nothing. I just need my every day to reflect that demeanor.  

In Him,

April

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