Skip to main content

NO, looking back.


"Nobody gets to live life backward. 
Look ahead that is where your future lies." Ann Landers

Isn’t that the truth? We spend so much time in the past that we don’t see what is right in front of us! I know that I have spent much of my life doing just that. When I ponder why I do it, I am sad that it is because that is where I am most comfortable! That is all I know or rather all I have known. I know different now, but old habits die-hard.

There are those that don’t understand survivors of abuse or individuals that battle addiction. In their eyes it is clear-cut. Leave the abuser (if you are an adult) or quit using. If it were so simple, would there even be an epidemic of mass proportion that we deal with in this day and age? Most of the time the abused & some form of addiction go hand and hand.

There is absolutely nothing easy about breaking out of the chains that bind you, no matter what those chains are. People that don’t understand need to take a step back, and walk a day in the shoes of the oppressed. We all have opinions and believe we know what we would do in a situation that we look at, but trust me, you have no idea until it is sitting right in front of you.

There are those also who have no idea what it feels like to stand in a room full of people and feel so alone. When I am in pain, I tend to withdraw and go inward. It is not a good place, but the fear and my untrusting nature push me into solitude. Is that the way to live? Absolutely not. That is where I become my most self-destructive.

Life is a journey. Sometimes a journey that is more pain than it is joy, but one thing I have to continue to remind myself is that no matter what anyone does to me I control what I do and how I think. No one can take my peace unless I allow them to. It is so hard and painful, more so than not, but I look to the day when I no longer have to fight the self-sabotage and realize I am worth so much more.

Until then….I will keep on trudging along & doing my best to make a difference in those that are still suffering. I am an adult now, and I feel it is my job to try and fight for those that are still living in silence due to the fear of their oppressor. We need to band together as survivors and fight these demons that are destroying our own.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hard life lessons learned

“God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons we could not learn in any other way. The way we learn those lessons is not to deny the feelings but to find the meanings underlying them.”   Stanley Lindquist            Life will always be filled with hurt and betrayal, and that my friend is a continued life lesson for me. I guess it is the hope in some of us that it would end, but unfortunately it doesn’t. I feel like I have been consumed with this hurt from a betrayal a few months ago…I am still trying to let go. It is just so hard sometimes. It hurts so bad, that I literally can feel my heart breaking. Why am I giving these people my head space!!!?? They don’t deserve it. Old habits… so hard to die! I feel sometimes that I have taken 2 steps back because old thought patterns have resurfaced there ugly head. I pray that God gives me the strength I need to let go and move on. I share my st...
3 comments
Read more

Never let go

Behind each human face is a hidden world that no one can see. 
We cannot continue to seek outside ourselves for the things we need from within. The demons will haunt us if we remain afraid. Silence is one of the great victims of modern culture. 
 -John O'Donohue This quote hit home this morning when I read it. I spent years looking outside of myself to find something or someone to fill those empty spaces that gnawed at me daily. I made life-changing decisions based on just wanting acceptance and love. I continued to chase after something that I would never find outside of myself. Your parents may be the ones that birthed you, but they do NOT define who you become unless you let them. We remain in our hell of silence more so than not b/c the pain & shame are just too great. No one understands, right? We turn everything inward, and it eats away at any bit of happiness & fulfillment we could possibly get out of life. Why? We are taught that asking for help makes you weak...
2 comments
Read more
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." ~Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.~ Rev. King is one of my inspirations to be a better person. To overcome adversity with grace, but with the fire to not back down when the going gets tough. I know it is so easy to say we stand for certain causes etc, but when it really comes down to it, do you really ? If I say that nothing will stop me from protecting another child or person in need. I stand behind it 110%. I had to be completely honest with myself & make sure my motives were realistic...because how can I write a book and proclaim that is what I stand behind, and than turn a blind eye to what is right in front of me? I used to wonder what I would really do if I was called on the carpet. The situation presented itself a few months ago. I felt God’s voice in my head asking, “what are you going to do?” I was leaving a...
4 comments
Read more