Skip to main content

Small valleys of life...


Micah 6:8 (NLT) No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.

This verse is one I memorized years ago trying to discern how God wanted me to live my life. It has been awhile since I have actually written on this blog, but my heart felt compelled to share with loyal fans what has been transpiring in my life for the last couple of months.

I have tried to pride myself in being transparent and honest (even if it is brutal). I have been struggling these last few months. When I finished the book I felt like I had closed that chapter in my life, but I hadn’t. My life has been spinning out of control, and I had no idea how to make it stop. I realized that anger and resentment had wormed their way back into my psyche, and they were slowing pulling me back down into that pit of despair.

I finally came to realize that I still had not fully forgiven my father. It is so hard because I want to cling onto that anger and resentment because to let it go means he wins right? No, he doesn’t win unless I let him defeat me. I took my eyes off God, and allowed my life to be skewed again by the outside world. Ultimately I began to self-sabotage everything because that is what I deserve right? Again, another lie I have told myself over the years.

I have been allowing whom I am to be defined by what he did and the destruction of my past. NO more. This is my life, and it was created to glorify my Father in heaven. I understand that some of you on my page choose not to call God your Father, and I respect that, but for me, He is the one & only constant and true in my life.

My fan page and blog were created to support and share with each other trials and tribulations that we survivors go through on a daily basis.

I will try to continue to update this blog more as I walk through this small valley to get myself back up to the hilltop.

Love & Blessings to all of you-
april


Comments

  1. Mystic_MomJune 15, 2011 at 11:24 AM

    Bless you April as you continue on your healing journey, and I'm so thankful God has brought your face back to seeking Him! Bright blessings...and love.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Life as I knew it....

Lost. Confused. Hurt. So many emotions that have consumed most of my life, and have become again intensely prevalent in the last year. When I re-read my journals, writings, posts….I see a trend. I see the problems, but nothing changes. I can’t say I have not grown, matured, and learned the patterns, but there are still the same themes. Love. It is elusive, self-serving, and ambiguous to me. I don’t know if that will ever change, and it scares me. It may sound trivial to many, but when it is not afforded to you as a young child, it does affect your ability to grasp the complexity of it, and create healthy relationships. 2016, like 1983, changed the course of my life. 2016 was a year of a 20 year marriage ending. 2016 was a year of losing the last of familial relationships, I thought I might have. 2016 was a year of my 4 beautiful children experiencing excruciating pain and the broken illusion of a happy family. I would be lying if I said I have not felt like I was the worse failure...
4 comments
Read more

Today. Yesterday. Future.

Today. Yesterday. Future. I have felt the pain. I have seen the destruction. I have witnessed the demoralization. I have watched them flee. The pain of no one there. The debilitating thought of trusting. Yet, I have learned. There is  One who holds my past, present and future. However, I hold it close to my vest, like I think I can control it. Fear is  crippling. I did not do enough. Was I ever enough? So many questions. God. My only true supporter. He wants me. Even when the others do not. Why do I run from Him? This is who I am. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Why can’t anyone see that? I want to quit fighting. I want to give up. Yet, my Father in Heaven keeps pulling me back. Why? Each day is anew. I know this. However, each day I breathe, is one more breath I know soon I will not take. Fear of death used to cripple me. Now...I have learned… No matter what I do, say or become… I have bee...
Post a Comment
Read more

Some things are better left buried

I know I have moments of my childhood that are complete blanks. I believe in some cases that is my own way of self preservation against memories I cannot handle. I try not to delve too deeply, b/c I am honestly afraid of what I might find. I ask myself "will it change anything?", no in most cases it won't, so why open myself up to more pain? Everybody learns to cope differently...I get that, but for me the memories I have are more than enough to make me nuts! Life right now feels like an out of control tornado. These times come around when my life has major decisions on the horizon. So much going on right now in my life, that I feel myself getting sucked in that hole. Questioning everything that I know to be true...why do I do this? Much of it is my personality, but mostly it is my lack of control that makes me crazy. I can't control someone else's pain or struggles...I can offer what has worked for me. Some one in my life is in the process of opening Pandora'...
Post a Comment
Read more