Skip to main content

Small valleys of life...


Micah 6:8 (NLT) No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.

This verse is one I memorized years ago trying to discern how God wanted me to live my life. It has been awhile since I have actually written on this blog, but my heart felt compelled to share with loyal fans what has been transpiring in my life for the last couple of months.

I have tried to pride myself in being transparent and honest (even if it is brutal). I have been struggling these last few months. When I finished the book I felt like I had closed that chapter in my life, but I hadn’t. My life has been spinning out of control, and I had no idea how to make it stop. I realized that anger and resentment had wormed their way back into my psyche, and they were slowing pulling me back down into that pit of despair.

I finally came to realize that I still had not fully forgiven my father. It is so hard because I want to cling onto that anger and resentment because to let it go means he wins right? No, he doesn’t win unless I let him defeat me. I took my eyes off God, and allowed my life to be skewed again by the outside world. Ultimately I began to self-sabotage everything because that is what I deserve right? Again, another lie I have told myself over the years.

I have been allowing whom I am to be defined by what he did and the destruction of my past. NO more. This is my life, and it was created to glorify my Father in heaven. I understand that some of you on my page choose not to call God your Father, and I respect that, but for me, He is the one & only constant and true in my life.

My fan page and blog were created to support and share with each other trials and tribulations that we survivors go through on a daily basis.

I will try to continue to update this blog more as I walk through this small valley to get myself back up to the hilltop.

Love & Blessings to all of you-
april


Comments

  1. Mystic_MomJune 15, 2011 at 11:24 AM

    Bless you April as you continue on your healing journey, and I'm so thankful God has brought your face back to seeking Him! Bright blessings...and love.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Life as I knew it....

Lost. Confused. Hurt. So many emotions that have consumed most of my life, and have become again intensely prevalent in the last year. When I re-read my journals, writings, posts….I see a trend. I see the problems, but nothing changes. I can’t say I have not grown, matured, and learned the patterns, but there are still the same themes. Love. It is elusive, self-serving, and ambiguous to me. I don’t know if that will ever change, and it scares me. It may sound trivial to many, but when it is not afforded to you as a young child, it does affect your ability to grasp the complexity of it, and create healthy relationships. 2016, like 1983, changed the course of my life. 2016 was a year of a 20 year marriage ending. 2016 was a year of losing the last of familial relationships, I thought I might have. 2016 was a year of my 4 beautiful children experiencing excruciating pain and the broken illusion of a happy family. I would be lying if I said I have not felt like I was the worse failure...
4 comments
Read more

Today. Yesterday. Future.

Today. Yesterday. Future. I have felt the pain. I have seen the destruction. I have witnessed the demoralization. I have watched them flee. The pain of no one there. The debilitating thought of trusting. Yet, I have learned. There is  One who holds my past, present and future. However, I hold it close to my vest, like I think I can control it. Fear is  crippling. I did not do enough. Was I ever enough? So many questions. God. My only true supporter. He wants me. Even when the others do not. Why do I run from Him? This is who I am. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Why can’t anyone see that? I want to quit fighting. I want to give up. Yet, my Father in Heaven keeps pulling me back. Why? Each day is anew. I know this. However, each day I breathe, is one more breath I know soon I will not take. Fear of death used to cripple me. Now...I have learned… No matter what I do, say or become… I have bee...
Post a Comment
Read more
Alot weighing on me. I stay off here. Because honestly, it's toxic. I realized I said I would not stay silent...And, I did, again...And I found this...I said I would never be silent again.... yet... for many years I have.... This was in my drafts----- Learning to let go of what you thought life would be. Life, to some is clearly cut into categorization of black and white …. however , my world has always had shades of gray. It had to be for my survival. I realize now that most do not want, nor do they care to understand that. I ask myself constantly, where did I go wrong? I am not the best, but who is? Was I the worst? I think it is stretching it, but possibly, to those I am. However, I still believe there are bonds that don’t get broken so easily. Right?  I survived the most hellacious event of my life, watching my own mother take her last breath...I know I am broken by my past, but can you give a girl a break? I have to respect myself enough to let go. Literally, figurativ...
2 comments
Read more