His Design for my life

"You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air, I'll rise."-Maya Angelou Maya Angelou is such a beautiful soul. This quote has shown to be my motto for today. I try very hard not to let other people (even when it is so called “family”) bring me down, but sometimes it hits you with the force of a Mack truck. I have to write b/c that is the only way to get these emotions out. I don’t bury anymore. My writing allows me to express emotions without blowing a gasket. I know my weaknesses well! I felt it necessary to compose this particular blog post towards the persons or people who want to question the “validity” of certain components to my book. I will GLADLY mail you (even pay the postage!) the police reports & interviews. I feel literally punched in the gut when I hear this! You missed the entire point of my book! You have NO idea what your talking about, and when I have had no communica...

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." ~Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.~ Rev. King is one of my inspirations to be a better person. To overcome adversity with grace, but with the fire to not back down when the going gets tough. I know it is so easy to say we stand for certain causes etc, but when it really comes down to it, do you really ? If I say that nothing will stop me from protecting another child or person in need. I stand behind it 110%. I had to be completely honest with myself & make sure my motives were realistic...because how can I write a book and proclaim that is what I stand behind, and than turn a blind eye to what is right in front of me? I used to wonder what I would really do if I was called on the carpet. The situation presented itself a few months ago. I felt God’s voice in my head asking, “what are you going to do?” I was leaving a...

Behind each human face is a hidden world that no one can see. 
We cannot continue to seek outside ourselves for the things we need from within. The demons will haunt us if we remain afraid. Silence is one of the great victims of modern culture. 
 -John O'Donohue This quote hit home this morning when I read it. I spent years looking outside of myself to find something or someone to fill those empty spaces that gnawed at me daily. I made life-changing decisions based on just wanting acceptance and love. I continued to chase after something that I would never find outside of myself. Your parents may be the ones that birthed you, but they do NOT define who you become unless you let them. We remain in our hell of silence more so than not b/c the pain & shame are just too great. No one understands, right? We turn everything inward, and it eats away at any bit of happiness & fulfillment we could possibly get out of life. Why? We are taught that asking for help makes you weak...

History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again. - Maya Angelou   If I could “unlive” my past, would I? If you have asked me this 10 years ago I would have told you yes. At that time I was wrestling with just wanting a mom & dad to love me. Someone to belong to. Today, I realize that God has a much bigger plan for me. I fought it for year’s b/c I continued to look at it as being punished for being bad. I may be a grown woman, but b/c of the past it planted seeds in my mind that no matter what my age is it will plague me. I have had to learn to not let it control me…that is the difference. I am trying to face each day knowing that I am a piece of a much bigger puzzle that I cannot see. When you have survived any form of abuse you go one of two ways. You hide behind the secret and shame or you are overwhelmed by passion & empathy to make people see that it happens over and over and we need to do what we can to he...

Only a kind person is able to judge another justly and to make allowances for his weaknesses. A kind eye, while recognizing defects, sees beyond them. ~     Lawrence G. Lovasik It is so easy for some to judge what they do not know. But does that make sense? Absolutely not. We try and teach our children the importance of not judging a person on what they wear, where they live etc, but society is pounding another story into their impressionable minds and so is the enemy. One of the biggest obstacles that I had to get around (still do) is the fact that so many have judged me based on things I have done in the past. Am I proud of some of the decisions I made? That would be an unequivocal no! But now being older & looking back, I had a lot stacked against me with no guidance. There are some times that it is better to listen than to try and comment. Every one of us has been dealt different cards, and with that we have lived either according to those cards or fighting against...

Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness.- Martin Luther King, Jr. It is so easy to become a bitter person. Life's disappointments, family, jobs etc. A multitude of reasons to be bitter. Will it change any of those situations? No. So why is it we get stuck there? For some it is just easier to stay bitter and blame someone or something than to do the work and change how you view it. Is there a situation that just burns in your gut? Don't sit and complain! Get up and do something or don't complain about it! Proactive or shut it! I know we have all heard, "you can't make everyone happy", well it isn't my job to bring you happiness, but to be accountable for my own actions. In the past bitterness consumed me. I was so angry, and the whole world owed me for what I had been through. Was that realistic? No, but b/c of my parents death, and the abuse, i didn't know who else to be mad at. I was miserable, and all that were around me better be feeling the ...

I know I have moments of my childhood that are complete blanks. I believe in some cases that is my own way of self preservation against memories I cannot handle. I try not to delve too deeply, b/c I am honestly afraid of what I might find. I ask myself "will it change anything?", no in most cases it won't, so why open myself up to more pain? Everybody learns to cope differently...I get that, but for me the memories I have are more than enough to make me nuts! Life right now feels like an out of control tornado. These times come around when my life has major decisions on the horizon. So much going on right now in my life, that I feel myself getting sucked in that hole. Questioning everything that I know to be true...why do I do this? Much of it is my personality, but mostly it is my lack of control that makes me crazy. I can't control someone else's pain or struggles...I can offer what has worked for me. Some one in my life is in the process of opening Pandora'...