Just One of Those Days....

I rarely get the itch for writing anymore ...sad, because that has always  been my one and true outlet. However, when I feel it strongly enough, and after not sleeping for days because I have huge changes coming in my life, yes yet again. I feel compelled to let things out that have been broiling, and I know I can be way too opinionated.  Probably shouldn't have gotten back on social media.

Amazing how easily we can be wiped out of their lives. I should be used to it by now? People always tend to give up when it’s easier. I continually ask the question, “Did I try hard enough?” “ Same question I asked as a child. Did they?”

 Eternal question. #LordsPrayer

So sappy today... sorry! Life for me is always turning upside down. I want to blame myself, because that is my natural reaction... I am a very HARD person to love, of this I am aware of, however, when does it become someone else & not about me to let it go, or try to at least to try and understand it? Oh wait, because they deserve to be happy.

I guess I don’t. It’s about me feeling selfish, and I know I can,  however, it’s also about PTSD. Depression. Dissociative disorder. Yeah. I typed it out loud. I am not ashamed. That’s who I am. Without DISRUPTIVE help from the people that think they know me better,  we and you can get better. 

For all of you out there that have felt this...know I understand. So called “normal” people are just better at hiding their flaws. I want to say Gods got this because He does. But, we ALL, need support, even when we are prickly to it. Jesus never gave up. IE: the woman at the well.

 I am tired of excuses of why I see so many hurting… and yes that includes myself. I said I would be transparent, obviously to a point, I need to know, when do we draw the threshold of love? Should there be one? “Labels create limits.” (2/18/18, Kevin Rivers)

 But, to know one of His children is struggling and you do nothing...makes me question, “what Jesus are you following?” First word that comes to mind, is Justification. We are all great at justifying our actions. 

Ecclesiastes 12 3 NIV

Now all has been heard;

    here is the conclusion of the matter:

Fear God and keep his commandments,

    for this is the duty of all mankind 14.

For God will bring every deed into judgment,

    including every hidden thing

Whether it is good or evil.

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/coping-with-depression.html

https://www.verywellhealth.com/the-causes-and-treatment-of-ptsd-nightmares-3014688

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/dissociative-disorders

Take Care of You. There will be days when it is only you and God,

xxxoooApril