Skip to main content

Hard life lessons learned

“God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons we could not learn in any other way. The way we learn those lessons is not to deny the feelings but to find the meanings underlying them.”
 Stanley Lindquist 


         Life will always be filled with hurt and betrayal, and that my friend is a continued life lesson for me. I guess it is the hope in some of us that it would end, but unfortunately it doesn’t. I feel like I have been consumed with this hurt from a betrayal a few months ago…I am still trying to let go. It is just so hard sometimes. It hurts so bad, that I literally can feel my heart breaking. Why am I giving these people my head space!!!?? They don’t deserve it. Old habits… so hard to die!
I feel sometimes that I have taken 2 steps back because old thought patterns have resurfaced there ugly head.
I pray that God gives me the strength I need to let go and move on. I share my struggles because I am human. I don’t have it all together, but I try everyday to make an effort. I have realized after many years alone with my own mind I do have people around me. Guess what though? You actually have to let them know you are struggling…hmmm what a concept! But here’s the thing, guess who is barricaded that door? MISS PRIDE.
I am trying to make the commitment to focus (AGAIN!) on what I can control, and let go of what I can’t.  Life lessons to be continued to learn… Serenity prayer you will be wore out yet again!
I will not always make others happy, and honestly I am so far past caring about that. But if you choose to tell me or comment on my beliefs, actions or otherwise, you best be very well knowledgeable of all the facts, and not just tales that sound good. There are a lot of things pushing me down right now…satan is trying very hard to silence me, but guess what? Noone, I repeat NOONE will keep me silent on what I know is true and right. Keep trying if you must.
Lord please keep you and restore you….
april

Comments

  1. Kristy RagerNovember 16, 2010 at 8:52 PM

    I know exactly what you are saying April! Old habits do die very hard, and we are so quick to judge ourselves...we are our own worst critics! You just have to believe that you are doing the right thing, no one has lived your life! God gave you a purpose, and I believe that this is it! Satan targets the biggest believers because it is a challenge and bigger victory for him if he can cause someone faithful to God to turn away! Keep the faith and keep on your path, God will richly reward you! God bless and keep you on your journey of healing and redemption and doing His work for the good of others who are suffering! Hang in there...God bless April!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. AprilNovember 16, 2010 at 9:08 PM

    Kristy, I am so thankful for you! God bless you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  3. BrandyNovember 17, 2010 at 2:45 PM

    April,
    I am so happy that you are telling your story! I believe that Truth changes lives, and the more Truth spoken, the more the darkness is dispelled.

    It takes courage to share and uncover your inner most thoughts, and feelings, and Im happy that you have the courage!

    Sometimes the only way to move forward is to know the direction you came from, and acknowleging that allows you the freedom to choose a new direction.

    Ive been in the situation where my "Truth", was not accepted by important others in my life, so if I read your blog correctly, understand and feel your pain.

    I've found that others may not be in the same healing place, and are not at the acceptance level that you are. Give them time.

    I've found that the beauty of live is not in having it all together, but embracing my differences and my struggles.

    My wish for you, Peace and strength.
    B.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Life as I knew it....

Lost. Confused. Hurt. So many emotions that have consumed most of my life, and have become again intensely prevalent in the last year. When I re-read my journals, writings, posts….I see a trend. I see the problems, but nothing changes. I can’t say I have not grown, matured, and learned the patterns, but there are still the same themes. Love. It is elusive, self-serving, and ambiguous to me. I don’t know if that will ever change, and it scares me. It may sound trivial to many, but when it is not afforded to you as a young child, it does affect your ability to grasp the complexity of it, and create healthy relationships. 2016, like 1983, changed the course of my life. 2016 was a year of a 20 year marriage ending. 2016 was a year of losing the last of familial relationships, I thought I might have. 2016 was a year of my 4 beautiful children experiencing excruciating pain and the broken illusion of a happy family. I would be lying if I said I have not felt like I was the worse failure...
4 comments
Read more

Today. Yesterday. Future.

Today. Yesterday. Future. I have felt the pain. I have seen the destruction. I have witnessed the demoralization. I have watched them flee. The pain of no one there. The debilitating thought of trusting. Yet, I have learned. There is  One who holds my past, present and future. However, I hold it close to my vest, like I think I can control it. Fear is  crippling. I did not do enough. Was I ever enough? So many questions. God. My only true supporter. He wants me. Even when the others do not. Why do I run from Him? This is who I am. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Why can’t anyone see that? I want to quit fighting. I want to give up. Yet, my Father in Heaven keeps pulling me back. Why? Each day is anew. I know this. However, each day I breathe, is one more breath I know soon I will not take. Fear of death used to cripple me. Now...I have learned… No matter what I do, say or become… I have bee...
Post a Comment
Read more

Some things are better left buried

I know I have moments of my childhood that are complete blanks. I believe in some cases that is my own way of self preservation against memories I cannot handle. I try not to delve too deeply, b/c I am honestly afraid of what I might find. I ask myself "will it change anything?", no in most cases it won't, so why open myself up to more pain? Everybody learns to cope differently...I get that, but for me the memories I have are more than enough to make me nuts! Life right now feels like an out of control tornado. These times come around when my life has major decisions on the horizon. So much going on right now in my life, that I feel myself getting sucked in that hole. Questioning everything that I know to be true...why do I do this? Much of it is my personality, but mostly it is my lack of control that makes me crazy. I can't control someone else's pain or struggles...I can offer what has worked for me. Some one in my life is in the process of opening Pandora'...
Post a Comment
Read more