Who am I? Where do I belong? I don’t know if others that were raised similar to my upbringing can understand (hope they do), I am struggling badly. I promised I would be honest and transparent, and here it is boys and girls. I have no job. I want my book to do well, but not for me, my goal was for what I can give back…so where does that leave me? Floating in the sea of unknown.
The only thing (besides my kids and hubby) that I get up for now is this fan site. It is amazing how alone you can feel in a world of thousands around you…why is that? I am truly trying to figure out where God wants me right now, but guess what? I am holding the reins, and won’t let go! Old habits die-hard. With me in charge will only cause heartache. It is in these moments when you want to turn to a friend, a parent, anyone…but honestly the only one that is going to hold the answers is God. I know this, but I fight it tooth and nail!
So frustrating. When I say this site keeps me going, please believe me that it does. When I want to check out…I can’t. Because I know how badly I will have failed all of you. How is that for honest? Transparent? This is real life people. There is no more room for the BS we try to deliver. Love you guys, and I hope I figure this out soon…I am driving myself up a wall. Why can’t I be normal and enjoy sitting around? I can’t. I may lose my mind! For it is in those quiet moments that our answers will be revealed…and April keeps noise going 24/7…I have 3 fans in my room…hello, can you say OCD?
The only thing (besides my kids and hubby) that I get up for now is this fan site. It is amazing how alone you can feel in a world of thousands around you…why is that? I am truly trying to figure out where God wants me right now, but guess what? I am holding the reins, and won’t let go! Old habits die-hard. With me in charge will only cause heartache. It is in these moments when you want to turn to a friend, a parent, anyone…but honestly the only one that is going to hold the answers is God. I know this, but I fight it tooth and nail!
So frustrating. When I say this site keeps me going, please believe me that it does. When I want to check out…I can’t. Because I know how badly I will have failed all of you. How is that for honest? Transparent? This is real life people. There is no more room for the BS we try to deliver. Love you guys, and I hope I figure this out soon…I am driving myself up a wall. Why can’t I be normal and enjoy sitting around? I can’t. I may lose my mind! For it is in those quiet moments that our answers will be revealed…and April keeps noise going 24/7…I have 3 fans in my room…hello, can you say OCD?
You could never fail us April. We need you. We're not in this alone anymore. God Bless.
ReplyDeleteYour book has a life of its own, don't be afraid or concerned. Keep sowing and getting on with life. Transitions are never easy but so worth every step. Learn to enjoy the time you have while turning over every stone of opportunity.
ReplyDelete