A Good Man. Jim Maley

My heart is hurting. This earthly realm lost a courageous and loving husband, father, grandfather, friend, and confidant. The last couple years life has changed so dramatically. One thing that never changed, towards me, was the love of Jim Maley. Even after his accident years ago, when he couldn’t express himself the way he wanted to, all of this that were around him, knew through his eyes and actions, the heart of who he was.

In the 20 plus years he was in my life, he was nothing but good to me. He loved me even at my worst. He saw something in me, I could not see. He treated me like a daughter, and that did not change when life changed. I was very blessed to get to say goodbye...a luxury many of us don’t get.

My heart breaks for Sue...lovely and faithful servant always. My heart also hurts for the multitude of people he has left behind...his kids, family, grand-kids

, friends...he touched so many.

I will miss his smooches every time I saw him...that smile...that love...I hate saying goodbye...just a layover till I see you and the many others that I await to see someday. Thank you for the impact you had on my life...I can’t look back at regrets of time lost. I am just grateful for your life. God broke the mold with us Jim...I know you know what that means.

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Life as I knew it....

Lost. Confused. Hurt. So many emotions that have consumed most of my life, and have become again intensely prevalent in the last year. When I re-read my journals, writings, posts….I see a trend. I see the problems, but nothing changes. I can’t say I have not grown, matured, and learned the patterns, but there are still the same themes. Love. It is elusive, self-serving, and ambiguous to me. I don’t know if that will ever change, and it scares me. It may sound trivial to many, but when it is not afforded to you as a young child, it does affect your ability to grasp the complexity of it, and create healthy relationships. 2016, like 1983, changed the course of my life. 2016 was a year of a 20 year marriage ending. 2016 was a year of losing the last of familial relationships, I thought I might have. 2016 was a year of my 4 beautiful children experiencing excruciating pain and the broken illusion of a happy family. I would be lying if I said I have not felt like I was the worse failure...

Today. Yesterday. Future.

Today. Yesterday. Future. I have felt the pain. I have seen the destruction. I have witnessed the demoralization. I have watched them flee. The pain of no one there. The debilitating thought of trusting. Yet, I have learned. There is One who holds my past, present and future. However, I hold it close to my vest, like I think I can control it. Fear is crippling. I did not do enough. Was I ever enough? So many questions. God. My only true supporter. He wants me. Even when the others do not. Why do I run from Him? This is who I am. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Why can’t anyone see that? I want to quit fighting. I want to give up. Yet, my Father in Heaven keeps pulling me back. Why? Each day is anew. I know this. However, each day I breathe, is one more breath I know soon I will not take. Fear of death used to cripple me. Now...I have learned… No matter what I do, say or become… I have bee...

What impact am I making? #Alice&George Seeing the pain and loss of someone you have loved for over 6 decades...The fear of what to do next, the pain of how do you move through the next day...I have seen the pain of loss, but the pain I saw tonight….surpasses my understanding. I think we have an amazing God. He did amazing things for me through an amazing couple. My heart mourns for the loss of this beloved mother, grandmother, wife, sister, friend….I will never forget the many nights you would look at me, and tell me I was a child of God. I was loved….I barely knew you. The impact this entire family had on me will always be in my heart. God placed them in my life at the exact time I needed them...Alice, you are beyond loved and will be sorely missed. Thank you for sharing your life and family with me. You have left an amazing impact on those around you that will not be soon forgotten… I hope someday those around me look at me, like your kids look at you...I love you, a...

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