A Good Man. Jim Maley

My heart is hurting. This earthly realm lost a courageous and loving husband, father, grandfather, friend, and confidant. The last couple years life has changed so dramatically. One thing that never changed, towards me, was the love of Jim Maley. Even after his accident years ago, when he couldn’t express himself the way he wanted to, all of this that were around him, knew through his eyes and actions, the heart of who he was.

In the 20 plus years he was in my life, he was nothing but good to me. He loved me even at my worst. He saw something in me, I could not see. He treated me like a daughter, and that did not change when life changed. I was very blessed to get to say goodbye...a luxury many of us don’t get.

My heart breaks for Sue...lovely and faithful servant always. My heart also hurts for the multitude of people he has left behind...his kids, family, grand-kids

, friends...he touched so many.

I will miss his smooches every time I saw him...that smile...that love...I hate saying goodbye...just a layover till I see you and the many others that I await to see someday. Thank you for the impact you had on my life...I can’t look back at regrets of time lost. I am just grateful for your life. God broke the mold with us Jim...I know you know what that means.

Comments

Empty

Will I ever feel normal? Will I always be on the outside looking in? I never feel like I belong, and my gut continues to tell me all I say is wrong. Why couldn’t there have been just one? One that truly loved me so… Will this empty pit ever be gone? As I sit here alone, I know that is where I belong. I don’t understand any other way… What am I supposed to say? I feel the pressure sitting on my chest.. Why can’t I fit in like all the rest? I am hiding the tears because I have to be strong… I cannot be weak because than I truly do feel like a freak. I am trying not to feel sad, but it is so hard when all I feel is bad. Life will continue to move on, but I hope that I figure this out before I am long gone.

The pain never really goes away….I know I need to start writing again, but I tend to get caught up in just trying to live. If we can call it that. I buried my mother over 40 years ago…there is a hole inside of me that nothing has been able to fill. I didn’t just bury her, but part of me that day. She was so young. It is so depressing to me how we as a society just live so flippantly like tomorrow is promised. Do I feel cheated? 100%. Have I been the best mother? Probably not, but I can say with everything I still have left in me…I tried. As a person, life happens. Stuff happens. It shapes us, and we look back years later, and say what the heck was I thinking?? But, at that moment we only see what's in front of our face…not tomorrow. Once they are gone. It is done. There is no do over. What was her favorite food? What made her happy? Those questions will never be answered. Holding on to stuff that has happened is like a toxic poison. It is not hurting the ones gone or that di...

Thoughts...

Our lives may look different on the outside, but everyone has a story. I think we rush through life placing labels on others, because we are too into ourselves to actually find out why that person is overbearing, annoying, gossipy, mean etc. I know for the longest time, and still to this day, I am a hard person to get close to. Those walls that kept me safe for years, keep me from experiencing life sometimes. It is something I have to work on daily…will I ever be to the point of non-wariness in those situations? Probably not, but all I can do is try to be aware of it and try harder. I have been doing a lot of reading lately, and really trying to “weed” out a lot of the nonsense I (we) all put into our lives on a daily basis. If we truly look at our lives, how much of it is superficial and materialistic? I am as guilty as the next person in wanting “stuff”, and most of the time I don’t need. What are my thoughts and energies being put into? Stuff? Will any of that stuff ma...

His Design for my life

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