Skip to main content

Life is but a vapor..


Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were your last. The past is over and gone. The future is not guaranteed.”-
Wayne Dyer

When I saw this quote today, it rang so true for the events that have happened over the last week. None of us have a future that is guaranteed, but we live our lives as if we do. You go to bed one night, wake up the next morning, and poof your life, as you knew it is over. Doesn’t matter how old you are.

I know I am guilty for it, because hey thinking about death is not so fun! I read an article not to long ago that said something to the effect of “if there is no God, and we just “poofed” here, and we are the ever evolving ape person, than what is the point of life at all? (I totally paraphrased that!)

Some may say that is a little drastic thought process, but to me…made perfect sense. I cannot imagine living my life based on no faith, no hope, no purpose, etc…what would be the point? And I know I cannot wrap my mind around the ever after, but I do know that it has not been me that has carried me through the times where I was in the bowels of hell, and thinking I would never make it out.

I choose to believe. I don’t push it on others, because, again it is a choice. A personal one. When I try to make myself live as if it is my last day, I will be honest; it almost sends me into a panic attack! Not necessarily for the fear of dying (there is that though), but because I know that I will be called to be accountable for all I have done and not done. I think sometimes that is why some don’t want to believe in God. If they do, that means change, and who really wants to change?

I don’t want my legacy to be like my parents. I don’t want to be known for what I had or didn’t have, but for what I stood for. None of this stuff around me means anything when I die, yet I spend how much time collecting and consuming?

How long will I hang on to old hurts? Pain? Unforgiveness? I know those memories just don’t disappear, but it is not going to benefit me in this life to consume myself with things I cannot change. So, I will keep plugging away at being who I am called to be, and not what others think I should be.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Life as I knew it....

Lost. Confused. Hurt. So many emotions that have consumed most of my life, and have become again intensely prevalent in the last year. When I re-read my journals, writings, posts….I see a trend. I see the problems, but nothing changes. I can’t say I have not grown, matured, and learned the patterns, but there are still the same themes. Love. It is elusive, self-serving, and ambiguous to me. I don’t know if that will ever change, and it scares me. It may sound trivial to many, but when it is not afforded to you as a young child, it does affect your ability to grasp the complexity of it, and create healthy relationships. 2016, like 1983, changed the course of my life. 2016 was a year of a 20 year marriage ending. 2016 was a year of losing the last of familial relationships, I thought I might have. 2016 was a year of my 4 beautiful children experiencing excruciating pain and the broken illusion of a happy family. I would be lying if I said I have not felt like I was the worse failure...
Alot weighing on me. I stay off here. Because honestly, it's toxic. I realized I said I would not stay silent...And, I did, again...And I found this...I said I would never be silent again.... yet... for many years I have.... This was in my drafts----- Learning to let go of what you thought life would be. Life, to some is clearly cut into categorization of black and white …. however , my world has always had shades of gray. It had to be for my survival. I realize now that most do not want, nor do they care to understand that. I ask myself constantly, where did I go wrong? I am not the best, but who is? Was I the worst? I think it is stretching it, but possibly, to those I am. However, I still believe there are bonds that don’t get broken so easily. Right?  I survived the most hellacious event of my life, watching my own mother take her last breath...I know I am broken by my past, but can you give a girl a break? I have to respect myself enough to let go. Literally, figurativ...

Change


 "Take the first step, no more, no less, and the next will be revealed." 

-- Ken Roberts
 Why is this so hard for me to follow? Do you ever feel like you are brimming over with great words, but it really isn’t changing anything you are doing? As the saying goes “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”. I hate change. Always have, and probably always will b/c it scares me. That is another defect I have to work on, b/c allowing anything, such as fear, to have that power is unacceptable. I hear it all the time when change is inevitable…you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Why is that? For me I believe the truth lies in my own comfort & pride. Everything happens for a reason…I know that for a fact based on my life. Living by faith and not by sight is difficult. We are a society of instant gratification & instant answers thanks to the internet. (I swear I am a google addict) But honestly, this has reinforced us further into believing we have control of ...