His Design for my life

Will there ever be a day when I can read the news with out wanting to get physically sick for the injustice that continues to go on? It goes from a WA woman broadcasting sex acts with a 2 week old baby, 8yr old little girl, and a 6yr old little boy. What can you even say to that? I cannot even in my darkest days begin to even come close to rationalizing that one. How soon till these kids are given back to her? What does the future look like for them? There are so many sick and twisted people in this world that sometimes it is hard to not be pessimistic. When I posted the other day about the TX man who beheaded three children b/c he thought they were demons, and he was the chosen one…seriously who can possibly come up with this stuff? I do my best to not be a bible thumper on people, but I believe that the bottom dweller roams this earth, and works through people like the ones in these stories. Again, I ask myself, where is family and friends of these lunatics? I will say it over ...

Benjamin Koller agreed to speak with investigators and told them that he had dropped the baby several times and that the baby’s head once struck the corner of a wooden changing table, according to court reports. He also said he would hold his hands over his mouth to make the baby stop crying and that the infant had become unresponsive on occasion. Additionally, he noted jerking the baby around, once causing the baby’s head to butt into Benjamin Koller’s chin. He also described shaking the baby and biting him to rouse him after he became unresponsive. After the baby was hospitalized, he was diagnosed with severe brain damage. The 4-month-old died on Oct. 5, 2009. The Boulder County coroner ruled that Jack Koller died of the delayed effects of blunt force trauma to the head and ruled the death a homicide. This story is not a new one. I open the Internet every morning, and I am greeted with headlines just like this. Sometimes much, much worse, but the end result is the same. These chi...

He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.  ~Raymond Hull You are the company you keep. Right? Why is it when you’re around certain people your behavior seems to change to accommodate their personality so that you “fit” in? Doesn’t that make you fake? I use to do this, but today I have people surrounding me that if they rub off on me, it is only for the better. Coming from an abusive background has always hindered my ability to say no. When I was younger I knew better than to defy my father, but as I got older it didn’t go away. I am a pleaser by nature, but now I fight it every step of the way. Not easy…feels like I am pushing and pulling against myself! We spend so much of our time wishing, wanting something else or to be someone else. Always wanting more. The sad part is some will step on anyone to get ahead, even family. This was short and sweet…had to get that off my chest. Be true to yourself…I know it is said all the time, but take it to hea...

Below is a post I commented on based on an article I read on domestic violence. My comments are in the black. Domestic violence is one of the most common crimes in America, and like sex offenses, one of the most under-reported crimes, advocates say. Victims often suffer in silence because of fear, shame and secrecy. "Gangs and domestic violence are the two most violent issues. Child sex (cases) is the other, and drugs are right in the middle of it." When I read this I was blown away. ONE of the most under-reported crimes, but one of the most common ! I just don’t understand the mentality behind this. My mother was killed 27 years ago, and I am being frank, not much has changed! Our war on drugs runs second to domestic violence…tell me I am not the only one that sees that as a major issue?! Drug dealers get more time than most DV offenders or even sex offenders for that matter. Why is that? "Verbal and emotional abuse is oftentimes the hardest to break free from,...


 "Take the first step, no more, no less, and the next will be revealed." 

-- Ken Roberts
 Why is this so hard for me to follow? Do you ever feel like you are brimming over with great words, but it really isn’t changing anything you are doing? As the saying goes “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”. I hate change. Always have, and probably always will b/c it scares me. That is another defect I have to work on, b/c allowing anything, such as fear, to have that power is unacceptable. I hear it all the time when change is inevitable…you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Why is that? For me I believe the truth lies in my own comfort & pride. Everything happens for a reason…I know that for a fact based on my life. Living by faith and not by sight is difficult. We are a society of instant gratification & instant answers thanks to the internet. (I swear I am a google addict) But honestly, this has reinforced us further into believing we have control of ...

“ You have to know the past to understand the present.”- Dr. Carl Sagan What am I so afraid of? That emptiness that eats at me…gnaws at my very core everyday…what will make it go away? I still have those moments when I feel like my heart has been ripped out, stomped on, and put through the blender. It takes so much effort sometimes to compartmentalize all the different feelings & emotions that my mind just decides to shut down, and go numb. My faith is the only thing that keeps dragging me back out of the pit. I overanalyze everything. I try not to, but it is a character defect that I have to continue to work on. I had so little control over my past that I hate to release any form of control now, even though I know realistically, I have no say in certain things anyway! I want so badly to make a difference…to know my purpose, but I feel like it constantly evades me. Like a hamster on a wheel. I get so frustrated when I try so hard to be honest & true to all of my shortcomin...